Saturday, December 22, 2007
Alright , went for HPt wanted to leave on the third day for cypher bbq, but was held with one task to plan the Nyctophobia in the night , sorry that i can't attend the bbq , really sorry. erm, forget what i did the pervious day before camp le.
so the first day of camp, was late cos really overslept:)ran over to schooling, look around , walk around chat around then was promoted to the so called senior grads with 2 strip on the shirt. went over to have the hpt philosophy then followed by our mentoring session. at this point in time finally i can understand the mentoring more clearly while in the past i don't even understand a single thing. then it comes the lunch finally !, was darn hungry !!
after that was the rope keeping session and the belay school, where i found out that we really need to refresh what we have learn, all's rusty ! wei quan corrected some of the mistake. sijie great you accepted your mistakes !! and change to the better one ! great you've grow lots !
after which dinner and then cheering module, winnie hosted, joanna came back, :) she is so pretty , what a big change ! then was again chatting with chun fu first and talking about problems and things happening , then clement joined in so we bought up some issues and talked about my problem that people don't respect and now it snowballs to other areas , such as my confident level to lead.. after supper and refresh for belay school for grads, went home to sleep and did some work. and why i went home was really that i still feel so weird staying in hpt anymore, sad . my passion is there but the team work and togetherness of the grads are not there. and i seriously still feel so lonely and away from my "friends", everyone's changing ! so much and my relationship with them is changing too. i cherish you guys , i swear i love you guys ! when i don 't contact you guys, dosen't mean i forget you guys or take you guys for granted and don't care.My life is hectic and working so hard to get through everything. finally comes the christmas period , i am not working !at all cos i want some rest and catch up with my friends, we've been through so many things together ! really you guys are part of my life. and it's an important part !
so the second day went to trim or can say that cut my messy hair, then bought coke , one carton which is so heavy and went back to school. so after which ate the dinner and pei wei quan to the mac at the garden , so he had his breakfast and we chatted. went over for tree of excellence and saw things going well and venessa came, an old friend:) tuition partner. went back to school, had camp fire module, happy session then debrief, wanted to go home but wishh to give myself this last chance to see if i still belongs here. stay and can't sleep through the night, so chatted with wq , eve and phebe. suddenly winnie came over and said please go out and talk if you want , others wants to sleep. i don't know why although it's all of of us that is chatting but i just feel that eevrything is my fault, haiz i am getting this phobia of helping myself to voice out, i'll just give in.
i am so lack of confident to do things for myself anymore. from all the incident in life. adventure camp 2007, love 2007 and so many many small small things.
so many things, and third day, nyctophobia, seems like no one understands me and or even try to understand me anymore. i will continue again , need some sleep at this point , not thinking and phasing my sentence correctly anymore.
Love Stories ...
3:02 AM
